Example of Roadblock 9: They often crop up later. Often they become angry and feel hatred toward the evaluating parent even if the judgment is correct.
Problems put off are problems seldom solved. Children, like adults, want to be heard and understood respectfully. We never agree on anything.
Consequently they defend their position to the bitter end.
Example of Roadblock 6: Son says to mom, "Dad is pressuring me to try out for the football team. Also, the absence of praise in a family where praise is used frequently can be interpreted by the child as criticism.
They can make a child feel unworthy, bad, unloved. Example of Roadblock They may make a child feel the parent does not trust his judgment-that he had better accept what "others" deem is right.
They may influence a child to become dependent on the parent and to stop thinking for himself. Note how often children say, "Why are you asking that.
Children sometimes are tempted to do something that they have been warned against just to see for themselves if the consequences promised by the parent actually happen.
Example of Roadblock 4: A catalogue of effects of the typical ways parents respond to children Roadblock 1: As the parent judges the child, so will the child judge himself.
Teenager says to friend,"School sucks -- I want to quit. Children also see through some questions as attempts "to get them out on a limb," only to have it sawed off by the parent. Child says to parents, "You guys argue SO much.
He must comply with what his parent feels or needs. Such parental psycho-analyzing can be threatening and frustrating to the child.
If their parents brush them aside, they soon learn to take their important feelings and problems elsewhere. Such messages tell a child that you want him to stop feeling the way he does.
The "I know why" and "I can see through you" messages frequently cut off further communication from the child at the moment and teach the child to refrain from sharing problems with his parents.
Example of Roadblock 2: This is why being cross-examined as by a lawyer is so terribly uncomfortable, you feel you must tell your story exactly as demanded by his questions.
They respond with defensiveness simply to protect their own self image. If you ask, "When did you notice this feeling.
Frequent evaluation and criticism make some children feel that they are no good and that the parents do not love them. You can get along with anybody. Child says to parent, "I want another drink of water.
Child says to mom, "Why do you always make me do more chores than Casey. Children are generally quite serious and intent when they need to talk about something. I bet he wants to break up with me. The most frequent response to such messages is to give one back to the parent. When you respond with kidding, you can make them feel hurt and rejected.
Contact: Wilmington, D E – based upon Thomas Gordon’s concept of “Twelve Roadblocks to Effective Communication” as presented in his book Parent Effectiveness Training, New York, This is the way how Thomas Gordon, the author of the bestseller “Parent Effectiveness Training” (, New York), perceives the role of good listening.
In order to focus readers’ attention on fundamental mistakes people make, he listed twelve common types of ineffective responses. Thomas Gordon's Twelve Roadblocks to Listening The first 5 categories can take away the client’s autonomy: 1.
Ordering, directing or commanding: "Stop complaining and do something about it!” “You HAVE to do this. It was ordered by the court!” 2. THOMAS GORDON'S TWELVE ROADBLOCKS The twelve "roadblocks" are common responses that get in the way of good listening. They are not necessarily wrong, but they are not listening.
They interrupt the person's own exploration, and in order. Feb 24, · These are roadblocks when the child/other is experiencing a problem or strong feelings (Other Owns a Problem). When the relationship is in the "No Problem Area" many of these are not roadblocks (e.g., joking, asking questions, etc.).
Some, like name-calling and ridiculing are always risky and cause problems. Communication Road Blocks Thomas Gordon’s concept of “Twelve Roadblocks to Effective Communication” as presented in his book Parent Effectiveness Training, New York, Title: Microsoft PowerPoint - Communication Road .Thomas gordons concept of twelve roadblocks